What makes you feel happy

One of my friends gave me this questionnaire one day which had this question: What makes you feel happy?
I replied to him with the filled questionnaire after a week only because I really had to think about this question. I know what makes me laugh, what makes me smile, what delights me, what excites me but I believe happiness is something beyond all this, something grander.

The answer was so simple, being at home makes me happy! But then what if I didn't have a home. Would/Should that take away my happiness? Now a days I live away from home, does that mean I am not or can't be happy? This argument was good enough to compel me to think a little more.

If he had asked me this question few years ago I would probably had said, "dude, if Microsoft hires me I'd be really happy!" Microsoft didn't hire me, so can I never be happy?!

My definition of happiness has been changing over the years but after reading his question, I had to find a way to at least convince myself that there are some things in life that are or which can provide perennial source of happiness. Instead of specific reasons I started searching for general reasons, common things that happen in life. And then it struck me... I always like when someone comes and talks to me, I always enjoy sharing my ideas or opinions with others, I really feel connected with the other person during the face to face conversation. So I replied, "A good conversation". Most of my conversations have been good.

What makes you feel happy?!

Learn to fall

Our karate teacher, Mr. Babji taught some of my friends and me how to fall when someone lifts you on his back and throws you down. He told us that we should try to fall on the back and try to spread the impact across the whole back by rolling a little on the back. He told us that falling on our back causes less harm to the body than trying to break the fall using hands. This simple yet useful suggestion made me realize that in martial arts, as in life, falling is inevitable. That is why there are some techniques, some suggestions to minimize the hurt, the pain when the impact happens.

When someone says, "I got your back buddy", what they really mean can be correlated with the advice Mr. Babji gave us. In fact, isn't it that most of the times when we fall, we fall on our back (metaphorically and in reality) because nobody volunteers to fall, it just happens. While falling on our back, we can't use our hands to break our fall, we can't see how deep we'll find ourselves after its all over, how hard the impact would be, so we basically have no choice. One should just accept this situation but always have someone or something to make it easier for us. Friends, relatives, a pet or some hobbies like movies, music, sports, writing, workout, gardening etc. can be that cushion to make the fall bearable. We must have something to someone to come to, to share our success and seek comfort during disappointments.

How to make office life less boring!

Why is office life boring? - Simple, you do the same thing over and over again! But I do get better at it, and if I like doing that thing, and I attain success at a regular basis, why should I get bored?
Because you're doing the same thing every day !!

I propose a new model for professional life, and this model can actually work in today's world where many people are multi-talented and some are even following this model, thereby making their office or work life less boring and more exciting.

And the idea is... to have more than one job! In fact, I take this a step further... no moonlighting please, but more than one job during the daytime.

Take my case: I've been trained to be a software engineer and I have some research experience, so I can play two different roles in a company. Moreover, I also write fairly well, so I could also participate in being a Technical Writer. I have been attending Toastmaster's meetings so in few months time I could also be considered to become an Evangelist. The idea here is that one can don many caps being in the same company.

Two important things to keep in mind:
1. Each employee must be given a very small chunk of the project (because instead of 10 hours they'd spend some 4 hours on that project), which means there has to be a person who must understand the project on the whole and can suitably divide the project to different employees so that their work can be easily integrated later. This person will only have the work of dividing the project and assigning it to others. He may then participate in other work, like some managerial aspects or be an Evangelist for a while.

2. The sense of urgency must go. In fact, less work hours for an employee on a particular project would mean more employees, so just before the deadline, all the employees could be asked to work few hours more to help the project launch successfully!

The payroll maintenance would become difficult in this situation but its worth it because an employee would gain different kind of experience, which means the company will have multi-talented employees who are ready to take up any role in the company, if the need be! This will make their life exciting and company's work easier, except the payroll part! Please note that an employee could have fixed salary or could have salary based on number of hours worked.

The latter case will also give the employee an option of working elsewhere for rest of the day. Commutation has to be worked out but if the two (or more) places are nearby, then the day can be divided into number of hours to be spent at each place.

Such a lifestyle can ensure less monotonicity in life which means a person will also be willing to work on weekends, and instead of lots of money from one job, will get some money from more than one job. Moreover, each person would be versatile, multi-talented and, lets be honest, productivity will enhance this way!

Besides, who needs a vacation when so much would be going on in life?

Lokpal bill is not enough

I feel delighted to see so many of my facebook friends actively supporting the cause for which Anna Hazare has been fasting, i.e., Anti Corruption! Some of their facebook post invites others to walk few miles to show their support, some other post shares a link to sign a petition supporting the bill. I really hope people's support for this great cause helps in passing the Lokpal Bill, and also that government realizes that people are aware now, people are ready to take action against anything wrong happening to them. Our unity towards the right cause can lead to a bright future.

But wait! Lets not get carried away by the extravagant and overwhelmingly enthusiastic response by our "elite educated mass" (not much of the total mass, though). By elite I don't mean wealthy, I mean people living comfortable lives, they may not be millionaires. Firstly, most of the supporters I have seen are youth. In a way its good that the young blood is ready to fight for a good cause and bring change for the better. Sadly, there's a lot more to this corruption thing than meets the eye. Youth generally have all the good intentions at heart but have very little idea of how screwed up the whole situation is! Just passing the bill and making it a law can't ensure effective execution of law.


Secondly, being elite educated mass, there are some "moral ethics" that we like to follow, to show our contribution towards society, and for self-satisfaction. We have enough knowledge and wealth, so we see corruption as a disgrace and arm ourselves to eliminate it from this planet! But really, why does a person become corrupt? Lack of knowledge or lack of wealth, or both, isn't it? My friends and I have been blessed with both, so we generally tend to misunderstand the whole situation. Nobody likes to be corrupt, they're forced to be.

The Lokpal Bill is necessary but not a sufficient condition. The Lokpal Bill becoming a law is just the first step. There's a second step as well, which is much more essential. A law can help bring in line few stranded people, but can it bring in line the whole government?! Why not prevent the situation that makes the government guilty of corruption?! Why not take the second step, or are you planning to wash off your hands after this bill becomes a law, so that the executives and the government can exploit the loopholes in the law?

The second step is to live the life of an honest person, an honest citizen, an honest individual. Be honest in whoever you are, whatever you do. Instead of preaching, 'anti-corruption', preach and practice 'honesty'. Fight for an honest life instead of fighting against a life of corruption. It'd be like walking on a thin rope over an abyss, but only the rope walker knows the thrill and fulfilment in such a life.

I have high expectations from our elite educated mass in this direction.
Firstly, Be honest with yourself, be honest with others. Don't steal or snatch anything that's not yours, especially if you don't even need it.
Secondly, be strong. Its easy to get carried away by the promise of more wealth, more comfort, more power. Do you really need more? Is it helping you life a better life? Wealth may bring smile on face but what about the happiness in our hearts? Anna Hazare is an inspiration. He's a strong man. He's fighting for what he believes is right, he's fighting against the whole government! Can we find in our hearts enough courage to do what feels right, unbiased by the media or by the common thinking? Can we leave behind a legacy of honest lives that would be a guiding light for our future generations?


Lets stop running away from the real problem and face it head on. Lets live honest lives and contribute towards progress of our country so that all the reasons for corruption are eliminated forever. Lets be sincere in our efforts, like Anna Hazare. Lets take the first step by supporting Anna Hazare. Then lets take the second step by living an honest life and helping each other so that we grow as a nation.

Discipline, Talent and Time

Discipline may not be a substitute for talent but talent evaporates without it.

He wasn't talented but he did treat things gently, patiently and took his own time to understand them and get familiar with them. Ask him something all of a sudden and he'd look lost. Give him few minutes and he'd be ready to impress you with his response. He had this genuine interest in understanding how things work rather than be prepared with tailor made responses to situations. Perhaps, at the age of 14 itself he had understood that nothing is permanent, everything changes.
He wasn't disciplined, he hardly followed a time table, except for the school time table which he had to. He too his own sweet time doing things. Once he was forced to finish off something before the deadline and he did. All other deadlines were excused for him so that he could meet this deadline. The teachers were rather surprised though. They could clearly see the drop in quality of this work as compared to his previous submissions, which often happened few days later. Some teachers were fine with his late submissions because they marveled at his output but some thought that special treatment to one student could mean partiality which eventually authorities were not ready to do. Poor chap, he suffered due to this.

So, in a conventional sense, he was neither talented, nor disciplined. But he was both, yes he was!
You could call him talented, his talent lies in his perspective, his approach towards things, situations.You could call him disciplined, when doing one thing, he paid complete attention to that thing only. He never compromised with this time and attention to his work. He overshot deadlines only because he knew he could do better and only when that zenith of perfection is achieved that he is ready to proudly claim that work as his own.
Perhaps we end up defining discipline and talent wrongly! Why do we have to use time to define discipline and talent?

My Valentine Day's Story

If two guys go out on a Valentine's Day,
its just natural to conclude that they're gay.

But I'm not. Nor my friend is. In fact, my friend has a girlfriend but she stays in another city. But instead of sitting home alone, they decided to go out in their respective cities, have fun and talk on phone every once in a while. Maybe we're good friends or maybe I am his only single friend but I'm sure I got the first call, and we were the only two guys walking the mall together that night. There were couples, yes, and there were families, and group of friends and by group I mean more than two! Arjun's phone rings suddenly.

"It must be Aditi's call, yeah it is here. Hey Aditi."
""
Okay I don't know what she was saying, and if I try to speculate, that'd be lying to you.
"Aditi wants to talk to you."
"What? No no I don't want to dig into your precious conversation. I can talk to her tomorrow!"
"Take the phone, man." and he pushed his phone in my hand.
"Hey Aditi."
"Hi Parth. What's up with you guys? What are you going to do?"
"Well, we're gonna have something and look at hot chicks, rate them maybe. And yeah, the one with her boyfriend gets extra score."
"Cheapo! Ok, give the phone to Arjun."
""
Of course I don't know what she talked to him about but he was grinning.
"Yeah, we'll probably have a sub and then go to some other mall. We've actually decided to observe how couples behave in public."

And that was our plan, yes! Entertaining, and educative. But I'd have still preferred a pretty stranger girl than one of my best friends!
"Ok, I love you too. Bbye! Talk to you later. Yeah, will call you after I reach home and tell you everything I did. Ok, bye!"
I cringed a little inside when he said "I love you". Maybe I'm not used to this word. Please don't misjudge me. I have a loving family but I haven't said "I love you" to my mother as well! "I love you" and "Sorry" are something I have never been able to say to anyone.

While we did window shopping and were walking towards the subway, a quick visit to what happened today morning. A phone call woke me up at 7 am, one and a half hour before my usual time.
"Hi Sunny."
"Hi Mommy. How're you? Why haven't you left for school already?"
"I am about to leave. Just wanted to say, "Happy Valentine's Day"!! Just wanted you to know that your father, your sister and I love you very much."
"thank you Mom."
"and also I had to wake you up. You and your bad habit of waking up late!"
"And I'm awake now. So, you please leave for school and I'll go to the toilet. Can't talk anymore. Bbye!"
I didn't wait to hear her reply because it was an emergency situation. It happens 5 minutes after I wake up, its fixed! That kind of makes me not want to have dinner while traveling overnight when I go home!

I have no argument in my defense. Yes I can be labeled as a loser because I don't choose to be, I am forced to be single. Guys tell me, 'you got looks man, you got your writing and you got a good job, why don't you try, man? Girls are gonna like you, really!' Believe me, I've tried to try but, well, I talk direct. Its hard for me to read signs or flirt around. I mean, I could do that, maybe, but I am not sure of the other person's response. Its a hit and try game. You like someone, you walk up to her, and hope to start a conversation. That doesn't happen unless you have something in common. I did have something in common with that girl I met while on a 'date' with my best friend Arjun. I saw her sitting across us on the other table while we entered Subway. I deliberately took the chair to face my back towards her. The idea of talking to a girl without any plan scares me more than needles and ghosts!

I heard her approach towards the door from behind me when the person at the counter said, "Sir, you forgot your credit card." She and the guy with her looked back. While he walked up to the counter, her sight fell on me. I looked at her at the same time.
"Hey Parth, right?"
My face and hands were a little smudged with sauce, it happens all the time while I eat sub. I felt awkward.
"Yes indeed. How're you Natasha."
I didn't offer to shake her hands for obvious reasons.
"I'm good. How're you?"
"Good. So..." and while I searched for my next thought, her guy friend comes back.
I wipe off my hands with the tissue paper.
"Hey Parth, this is Arun. Arun, Parth."
"And this is my friend, Arjun."
All the formalities were done.
"Parth evaluated me for my speech this time and I was amazed. You were great Parth."
"Thanks Natasha. So when's your club's next meeting? Do send me an invite, I mean Madhapur Toastmasters."
"Sure! We're getting late for somewhere, so I'll see you later. It was nice meeting you. Bbye."
"Same here."
All the formalities were done.
"I have to tell Aditi this." Arjun says in his usual delightful mood when he knows something exciting.
"Why? What happened?"
"I saw a girl actually flirting with you. This is breaking news!"
"Flirting? No! We do that all the time. Its the Toastmasters code. We encourage each other and praise each other for a job well done. You never attend our meeting, I invite you so many times."
"Maybe now I will, I'm curious."
"Hey Aditi, yeah, I just saw a girl flirt with Parth."
""
"Yes I am sure. She was praising him and she started the conversation and all."
""
"Here, talk to Aditi."
He pushed the phone again in my hand.
"Hey Aditi. How was your evening? You sound so pleasant tonight."
Nothing worked. She started lecturing me that I should meet her more often.
"We're in toastmasters, that's why she talked to me! Please attend a toastmasters meeting in Pune, there are some clubs over there. You'll know."
"Why do you always try to deny that you are likeable."
"Arjun wants to talk to you, here."
And I took the remaining sub in my hand and quickly walked out before Arjun could push the phone back into my hand.

Price Tag on marriage

Times have changed and are changing, but sadly some things haven't changed. Why do people still believe in taking (which is understood!) and giving (WTH!!) dowry? Educated people living in a mansion also demand dowry... don't they have enough money? And those who give dowry believe that if they don't, then their daughter might have a difficult time in that household. If the groom's family doesn't accept her or if she has a difficult time in that family then maybe that marriage wasn't the right thing to do in the first place. Can money really make/mend relationships? I thought love did that !! Times indeed are changing.

Tell me one thing though, doesn't a woman contribute equally, if not more, to the economy of the household? A wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, takes care of the house, she is a homemaker. Imagine your life without her, without them... all I'm saying is that dowry as a custom has lost its significance, its not out of love for your daughter but out of fear. Its like a rotten limb, its painful yet you refuse to cut it off just because its always been a part of your body.

This is for all the highly qualified well educated guys... if your parents don't understand, you should. With big degrees and years of work experience, do you still need to ask (or impose) the bride's family for dowry? Isn't your fat salary enough? Have you lost your self respect along with your innocence over the years? How can a marriage, or any relationship, be stable if it is based on financial transaction (in cash or kind)?

Marriage has become a business transaction. The amount of dowry that a groom or his family deserves depends on two things: status of the family and education qualification of the groom. But if the family belongs to high class society or the groom is a highly qualified professional, is dowry really necessary? If the rich and the educated still follow such customs then where's the hope for everyone else?

I am a firm believer of the fact that wherever more than necessary money is involved, evil creeps in. There are too many troubles in this world, why carry another one on our shoulders. Let us be free of the outdated obligations that society supposedly puts on us, because your happiness and your daughter's happiness is more important than what others think, and money can't buy happiness.