I wanna break free

all these voices around,
the pollution of the noises in my head,
the grunting sound,
heard them for long, never turning them down,
thought them as truth, never thinking on my own

Everytime I did something, I felt like a lie,
it made my mind shriek and cry...

I wanna break free, I wanna fly high,
I never wanna visit the graves of the past,
I wanna change life, the way I wanna live,
take everything in my stride,
pushing the feeling of pain and grief aside.


I did reach somewhere, but no further could have got,
I did become someone, but I myself didn't know what,
all these voices around, somehow,
took my freedom, leaving me lame,
a guy with some name,
to do anything, I can't try to think,
I search for these voices...
it happens all the time, just the same

Everytime I did something, I felt like a lie,
it made my mind shriek and cry...

I wanna break free, I wanna fly high,
I never wanna visit the graves of the past,
I wanna change life, the way I wanna live,
take everything in my stride,
pushing the feeling of pain and grief aside.


so if you don't change it now,
you're never gonna change it anyhow

so break free, fly high,
to the graves of the past, just say goodbye,
change your life, the way you wanna live,
give chance to yourself, you have a lot to give...

OBH Ground Floor (GF) Mess

At present, OBH GF caterers are on a 15 days trial period. OBH GF mess is perhaps the only mess in which I can have all the three meals everyday. The reason is simple, the menu of the present caterers suits me. They make two kinds of cooked vegetables (sabzi) and of course there's daal (pulses), chaawal (rice) and roti (chapatti). Even if one of the vegetables turns out to be the one I never eat, I eat the other one, and never has it happened that both the vegetable dishes have been something that I never eat. In other messes, vegetable dishes like kaddu, lauki, tomato, bitter-gaurd etc. are made, which not many students have, on a more frequent basis than OBH GF.
A common thing pointed out by many students here, and I have heard my batchmates say this a lot, especially about OBH GF mess, that Rotis are not made good in OBH GF mess. I eat both lunch and dinner in that mess and I can say that not always are the rotis badly prepared. In fact, something interesting that I have also observed is that people would rather have good roti and daal than having a not so good, but a healthy roti nonetheless, and daal and a variety of sabzi (well, of course curd and lassi, in case of Yuktahaar, are always there, but not for me because I never have them!).
Excessive oil in vegetable dishes or puris is also something that becomes an issue. I agree that sometimes food becomes too oily, but those cases are not as frequent as we believe they are. In fact, oil adds to the taste of the food... isn't food in canteen oily? Why do people have food there?
In conclusion, I like food where menu suits me, else I don't have food, unless it is a very critical situation (like taking anti-biotics, or starvation for half a day!)
Things like tomato, curd, lassi etc. which I can not consume at all, I call them 'foreign particles' and I don't eat them because I can't tolerate their taste, and this condition I call 'taste allergy'.

The Biking Experience

Day before yesterday was my first time experience of riding a motor-bike (bajaj discover). I have had some experience of riding a scooty (two wheeler non-geared), a scooter (two wheeler geared), and a maruti (four wheeler geared) but the bike thing was for the first time. And bike won hands down among all the vehicles I've driven. The best part of bike was the sense of stability and control that one feels while sitting on the bike. Second thing is the gear system, which is easier than a scooter and a maruti. Today was my third day and apart from the occasional first gear jitters, or rather clumsy handling of first gear, everything else was great. Another great thing about a motor-bike is its fast pick-up.
P.S. - I still fear the cross-roads and the U-turns :(
P.S. - If you think driving on Pune roads is easy, its' not. :P

IPL Twenty20

I have been watching IPL Twenty20 everyday for last four days (much to my surprise) and have started liking it a lot. Smaller faster matches, higher average runrate, unpredictable fall of wickets and of course, higher no. of sixes etc. make it much more interesting than 50-50 ODIs. Lately I've been watching all the matches of Mumbai Indians as my family supports Mumbai Indians. Unfortunately Mumbai Indians lost all the matches I watched! :( And all the matches were lost during the last over, due to some outstanding performance by the other side or some mistake done by the Mumbai Indians. Today's loss of Mumbai Indians to Rajasthan Royals has especially been sad, as Mumbai Indians were in a very good position to win but lost in the last ball.
It seems unlikely that Mumbai Indians would make it to the semi-finals. But whatever it has been, I really liked the last moment twists in the match.

P.S. - My sister has changed her loyalties from Mumbai Indians to Rajasthan Royals after today's match!
P.S. - Twenty20 version of the game is enjoying much larger audience than 50-50 ODIs and Test Cricket.
P.S. - Things are shrinking in every sense and every way... be it electronic stuffs, or cricket matches. lol.

Change: The past and the present, Part I

When I look back at those 19 years of my life, and compare myself as what I was earlier and what I am now, I feel that I've changed significantly. Of course, I won't include my height and looks, as those things have hardly changed.

1. I waste infinitely less amount of food now a days as compared to when I was staying at home. What exactly happened I don't know but I have changed, and it's for good.

2. I don't talk for hours over the phone. At home, since we have to pay fixed rates for one month use of phone connection, so I sometimes talked a lot over it, but slowly this habit also wore off, like the previous one.

3. I used to be uncomfortable with talks about sex and similar issues, but then one fine day I realized that all these things are a part of nature and a part of what we are. Its foolish to ignore these things (of course my friends advised me a lot on this issue).

4. Another issue was abuses. I despised people who used abusive language. It took me a long time to make friends with them and get comfortable in their company. Some of them are excellent people and were my good friends, which made me realize that using abusive language doesn't make someone bad. Its just a way to vent out all frustration and what I realized as a result of that, was bad for me... since I never abused, all my frustration got collected within me, and I got all sorts of weird thoughts, and sleeptime dreams and I also slept more than required. (I still don't abuse anyone and so sleep a lot and still have weird thoughts and dreams.) But I've accepted abuses as a part of life. Now a days I interpret their meaning and tell people that if such things happened in reality then...

5. I had limited exposure to music at home, but after coming to college, I have started listening to different kinds of music and now I know what kind of music I like (the names, like "rock", "alt rock" etc.)

6. Now a days I have bath (almost) regularly, but till a couple of years ago, I had bath sometimes, not regularly. Seriously, I felt lazy to go and have a bath, but while bathing, I used to feel nice. Winters was another reason!

7. I was afraid of the dark. I used to watch all those horror TV series, "aahat", "Zee Horror Show" etc. and then used to tremble in the dark, feeling presence of ghosts all around me. I could not stay in the dark, even with people around me. But then, after I stopped watching those TV serials, the fear disappeared. But when I saw, "The Ring", that fear came back, but it wasn't fear of staying in the dark, it was fear of being alone. (Ghosts scare person who's alone, its convenient for them that way, chun chun ke daraate hai).

8. I used to get frustrated about small things in life, about small issues. Now it has lessened. Lower grades, bad performance, etc. used to frustrate me. I used to behave rudely with others, but I think that has also lessened, now that I've realized that I've reached 7th semester and CGPA won't make much of a difference now! :D
But sadly, even now a days I do get frustrated during exam days when I'm ill prepared! :(

9. Now for some bad changes, I've started chatting a lot, especially on gtalk, and have got addicted to orkut, a lot!

10. My sense of humor has gone from bad to worse. I become desperate to crack jokes that I try to use anything anyone says and comment on it, and many times its not amusing, and mostly confusing!

11. Something that hasn't changed as yet, is my social phobia.

The way I'd like to meet the special one

1. In a total random situation:
Total filmy way! (except the one about saving her from the bad guys... do you think I'd be able to fight?!) Maybe during some dance class, cooking class or maybe piano lessons I'd meet her... she might be a student or an instructor, or maybe my activity partner. Lots of possibilities...

2. In a plane or train etc.:
Another filmy way and a subset of the above one! But I still find the idea quite exciting and interesting. The whole journey would just be awesome!
It need not be plane, it could be a bus, a cruise, a train or walking maybe! (Yeah, and waiting for a lift on the roadside.)

3. Meeting an old friend after many years in a totally unexpected way:
Say I go somewhere, say to some function, or marriage (I don't like marriage functions) or some other place (grocery store!) and she's also there and suddenly she calls me by my first name and I'm surprised at hearing that voice.
Even better, I see her first and call her. She'd be surprised that some unknown familiar voice calling her, and then I'd say, "Hey, its me!".

4. An old friend or acquaintance and I stay in same city and are strangers to that place, our only interest in staying there being our profession. So, we hang out together and roam around together. It'd be interesting to start that memorable journey through time.

5. Involved in same project or same activity (social cause, maybe!) and working on it together.

6. My good friend's sister or my sister's good friend.

7. The common friend thing:
We are introduced to each other by a common friend!

They are ranked by the priority order.
Note that I have left out a few other possible ways like, oh wait, yeah this one'd be good too.

8. She's flattered by my work in my profession (my research or something else, maybe story, if I write another one!, or maybe my blog! Who knows?!).

Yeah, some of the cases have been left like "Matrimonial.com" thing and Oh wait... another one!

9. The girl next door!

Now I guess the numbering are not according to priority order. I think i've covered almost all the cases! (except matrimonial.com and dating sites stuffs)
But whatever be the way, I think they're all exciting and worth it... and I'm sure my life will fit into one of these models in near future.

wait a min... the boss-secretary thing?
too filmy... leave that! Offices are workplace dude...

P.S. If you think there are other cases which could be as cool as the ones I've listed you're most welcome to include them in or as comments!
P.S. This idea just struck me and I wrote this post, no particular reason whatsoever.
P.S. The common feature all the scenarios have is the fact that she and I would be interacting a lot with each other.

Apollo 11 a.m.

Yesterday morning, I had gone to Apollo Hospital for donating blood. It was the first time that I was going for blood donation. I was excited and a bit nervous. A few of my college seniors and I left for the hospital and reached there at 11 a.m., hence the title (I know, its a lame one!).
I was strongly advised to have good breakfast before leaving, but I had only a bottle of flavored badaam milk.
After filling the form (a formality), while I sat waiting for my turn for blood test, my mind recalled my previous experiences of blood tests and the pain when the sharp pricky metal piece was pricked into my fingertip, and the blood that used to ooze out when the pricked finger with the tiny hole was pressed. The pain was not much and watching the oozing out of blood was quite amusing.
I was glad I was called for the blood test, because I had to wait for half an hour after my mental tour of past experiences, during which I was just reading a couple of small posters on the walls which mentioned the precautions to be taken after blood donation.
The person doing the blood test took my finger and started rubbing a piece of cotton soaked in some liquid. I told myself, "this is it. This finger would be pricked with some metal piece and then the blood would ooze out." I felt my finger moving a little backwards, just a tiny but a gradual twitch. He again rubbed the liquid soaked cotton on that finger, and he used something which didn't look like the pricky metal piece I was used to. I didn't feel anything and was waiting for him to use that metal thing. He asked me to leave. I realized he was done and a tiny sample of my blood had been taken in that thing which he'd used to prick my finger and surprisingly, I didn't feel anything.
I went back and sat, waiting... a few minutes I felt slight pain in that finger and saw a tiny cut. The blood test was nicely done.
So now I felt more comfortable.
My seniors started talking, chatting just like that. One of them said, "Once it happened so that one of our batchmates, went to donate blood. After the blood donation thing, when he got up from the bed, he fainted." They all started grinning. I also grinned, slightly. He continued, "Later it happened so, that he had to be given 3 bags of blood." and they all started laughing, and I also joined in. He further continued, "As a result, one of our professors, said, 'we only need positive blood donors'."
I thought that since I'd not had much as my breakfast, what if I fainted?! One of the seniors told me that they're experts and they do it nicely.
For the blood test, I was called in with a couple of my seniors. I sat in the middle chair. The AC was giving me slight shivers. They checked everyone's BP. They started taking blood from the two seniors. I saw the whole procedure on one of the senior. I saw the long, thick pipe like needle with a distinct opening. I'd never imagined myself to be pricked with such a thick needle. Some other lady came and checked my BP, again. One of my seniors was done with his donation. The guy came again and checked my BP, again. He asked, "Are you nervous, or anxious?" "Is this your first time as a blood donor?" "Your BP is too high for taking blood, you relax for sometime, then we'll check your BP again and if its stabilized, then we would take the blood."
I went out, and told the reason. That guy took me to the doctor and she got worried after she heard that I had 150/90 BP. She looked concerned, "You must be anxious, since this is your first time, but its okay. You relax for sometime."
I tried to reason with her, the guy who drew out the blood, and my seniors that it might have been the AC, but of course it made no sense. I later realized that it might have been the long thick pipe like needle. My seniors (the ones who'd already donated the blood) were sipping frooti in front of me, which they'd got because of the blood donation thing, and I said to myself, "I also want one, please take my blood too."
I sat in a separate cabin and tried to relax. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, while sitting. I tried one of the relaxation techniques I'd recently read on the net. When I opened my eyes, I felt relaxed, but being in a hospital, due to the hospital environment, I lost it within a few seconds. But all I wanted was to donate the blood, that my journey from IIIT-Hyd. to Apollo be a success.
I was called again for a BP test and this time, though it was still high, it had fallen within the manageable range (140/90). The guy searched for my veins, then rubbed the liquid soaked cotton over that area, and then inserted the thick pipe like needle into the vein. The pain was negligible and I was happy, and relaxed. I was given a ball to press, so that the blood be transferred into the blood bag. I pressed the ball but after sometime I ran out of energy and I pressed the ball gently, less frequently, with lesser energy. After I was done, I sat there for 10 minutes, then I got the frooti (finally!) and then I didn't rest much in the separate cabin meant for resting purpose.
Everyone asked me if I was ok, including the lady doctor. Ah! I love that attention one gets, but sometimes it gets frustrating, makes you feel like a 10 year old kid. I assured everyone that I was fine!
I did feel a little drained out of energy, especially in my legs, but slowly everything felt normal. Back in the sun, while waiting for the vehicle, I felt nice. I don't like AC.
Talking of blackout, I had a blackout while traveling in train once, but that's a different story.
I liked the experience, but that high BP thing shouldn't have happened. I wasn't anxious as such... it was the AC

P.S. I think the liquid in which the cotton was soaked was probably a local anaesthesia or combination of anesthesia and antiseptic kind of thing... don't know much about it.
P.S. These bloodbags look really cool. I saw the blood taking guy opening their cover and making them ready for use.
P.S. The Apollo hospital looked like some airport kind of place from inside, and had something on its wall on the outside, which made it look like a museum from outside. Interesting place.