What's my Passion?

Many people I spoke to, in the last one week indicated me indirectly, "dude, follow your passion".
I've been avoiding confrontation with the idea of following one's passion for many years now. And I've come to believe that this might be the reason for my underperformance in almost every activity I do, be it my BTech, MS, or some work at office. Unlike others who clearly know what they're passionate about, I am not so sure about myself.

Initially I thought I was passionate about writing but then I didn't write on a regular basis. Moreover, watching movies / TV shows and Facebooking seemed to take higher priority. Upon further investigation I realized that maybe I was too stressed out about my underperformance in my studies and later job that I could not get myself to start writing in most of the cases. But whenever I've just sat and wrote, it certainly felt wonderful, and looking at the finished piece of poem or story, or an article makes me feel like I'd achieved something after a long time.
During childhood, I've always been interested in every subject, but when I chose non-medical in 11th, I knew that although I enjoy the implications of the laws and equations, I wasn't interested in solving challenging problems using those concepts, unlike many of my friends who'd enjoy spending hours on the problem. I thought it was a waste of my time! I thought, watching TV was a better investment.
I have been interested in Dramatics, public speaking, music and I've fair share of experience as an amateur in them. I enjoy doing them, as a hobby, but I can't call them my passion because my life will still be fine without them.
I'm 24 years old now, quite old to have already made up my mind about this. And while I write this, I still wonder what my passion is. One of my friends went to LA to do masters in music. Another friend of mine is working on his startup. Yet another one has successfully started her own publishing house.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really scared to find my passion. I feel I'll find out about it and then because I feel safe being in IT, I will ignore it or at best pursue it as a hobby. Now I realize how tough it is for people to pursue their passion when its different direction from their regular life/profession. Walking down an unknown path with no guarantee but just a belief that one day the passion will turn into success.

BTW I'm still searching for my passion, if anybody finds it, please let me know. :)

Purpose of an economy

Last week my friend and I started talking about weed (or marijuana to be specific). I expressed my concern over the fact that alcohol and nicotine cigarettes are legal but marijuana, which doesn't have any short term effect and negligible long term adverse effects, unless you're a hopeless addict, its an illegal commodity. In fact my friend, few of my other friends and many others whom I've talked to, and my hours of browsing the internet told me only one thing, Marijuana is a harmless drug. In fact, doctors recommend it in some cases even for Cancer and AIDS patients! To resolve this dilemma, my friend told me something that I still can't understand. He said, Marijuana makes a person feel happy, and its harmless. Moreover, its a weed so a person can grow it in his backyard, and is quite cheap if you manage to procure it. If this is made legal, people will consume it and remain happy. But corporations don't want that, economy doesn't allow that. How will economy grow if people remain happy? Happy people won't buy products they don't need. But then, I thought, why can't we remain happy and live with less, won't that be good? Making marijuana illegal is like making potato illegal !! Both are easy to grow and universally consumed. He exclaimed, maybe in some civilization sometime in history, potatoes were made illegal for similar reason.
It makes me wonder, what's the purpose of an economy? Consumerism? To keep people miserable so that they keep buying things, and to keep them engaged in this vicious cycle doesn't feel right to me. I have been and will continue to only take what I need and get out of this cycle, and will enter it only when I again need something.
Peace and happiness is our final destination. Material goods may be tangible but their existence is quite fragile in our lives. Peace and happiness is what makes us strong and life worth living.

I'm a Writer

I'm a writer. I write when I feel inspired. I write when I get overwhelmed by emotions. I write when I want to feel better. I write when I want to create something new with same old words.
Every minute so much happens around me that spurs up thoughts, feelings and emotions within me. At one point of time I wanted to capture each and every moment of life. Now I let my heart decide and based on what I find interesting or what deeply affects me, I write about it.
Believe you me, I really wish to sit at my desk every night and write for an hour. While I change my clothes, have dinner and prepare to sit down and write, so many thoughts and words swim in my mind and I feel really excited about it. But the moment I sit down to write, blank! Everything vanishes! I try to hold on to one or few of those thoughts and quickly scribble them down but I don't feel the same level of motivation. So from now I've decided that I won't bother about saving the thoughts I previously had, I'll just start with a thought and start typing... and other thoughts would follow. I've done this few times before and have ended up writing decent short stories.

Empty your mind

There's this famous scene in the movie, 'Peaceful Warrior' in which the protagonist Dan tries to live in the moment as suggested to him by Socrates. He empties his mind and volunteers to try the Pommel Horse. He impresses everyone by effortlessly doing perfect movements on the horse. This was because his mind was only filled with his present moment so he gave his full, undivided attention to the activity he was doing, hence excelling in it.

My mind often gets clogged with lots of unwanted thoughts. Its like a bathroom where the outlet for the water to go out is blocked, so the bathroom remains flooded with water. My mind also remains flooded with thoughts, making me feel unpleasant. I empty my mind by focusing on things happening around me. That reduces my stress, I don't have to fight those thoughts and my focus on my work improves.

The problem with thoughts is that that is where everything else starts. Our actions, our feelings, our habits, our behavior, they're all determined by the thoughts we harbor in our mind. Everybody gets unpleasant thoughts once in a while. These thoughts may make us feel anxious, guilty, or scared. And almost everytime we either try to fight these thoughts/feelings by distracting ourselves with other things or just succumb to it and give up on other things in life. The former is hard work while the latter is plain stupidity.

Some might argue, 'An empty mind is a Devil's workshop'. But experts who have experienced the bliss of empty mind often call it God's playground. An empty mind gives an equal opportunity for good as well as bad thoughts to enter. However, once you learn to empty your mind, you will have better control on what thoughts to keep, and what thoughts to ignore when they enter your mind. When you witness any unwanted thought you know you can empty your mind and weed it out. That gives you the upper hand, the confidence to even ignore it then and there itself. You can play God in your own mind. You can control your feelings by controlling your thoughts and hence take full control of your life.

Be a peaceful warrior. Follow the path of Ahimsa. Instead of fighting your thoughts, boycott them! Beautify your mind with good thoughts, the way you decorate your house or get ready for a date/interview!

In times of pain and distress, always remember, you always have the reboot option, you can anytime empty your mind and start afresh.

Laser

Laser has always fascinated me. A light source that can cut through metals! We use various light sources at our house, then what makes Laser so powerful? It is highly stimulated emission of photons, yes, but more importantly, it is highly focused! All high energy photons shot in one direction at the same time! It goes fast, it goes far and it makes an impact!

Success befriends those who are highly stimulated and focus all their efforts and energies in that one direction, without compromise. Each step counts, each day can make a difference. When you're working towards success, be a laser. Cut through the obstacles, ignore everything else, look only at your goal, and waste no time. You'll go fast, you'll go far and you will make an impact.

Still waiting? C'mon, go on. Shoot, Now!

Finally it rained

I was sitting on my chair, trying to read. However hard I tried, after reading few lines I dozed off! And few seconds later when I opened my eyes and saw the article in front of me on my laptop screen, I tried to recollect, hey where was I, then started from the next paragraph, skipping the remaining of the previous one.
It was a cloudy saturday evening. As I lay there, slouched, I felt the pleasant smell of the rains. If only it rained, I had been wondering this from so many weeks now. I found myself staring at the article on my laptop's screen. Even though I sat in an awkward position, I again started to recollect where I'd left reading. I am not the person who relents! As I dozed off again, I felt the gentle petrichor again, that blissful smell of earth when it quenches its thirst. A thought crossed my mind: Was it raining in my dreams?
I gently opened my eyes and saw the dark screen of my laptop. Damn, the electricity cuts! My laptop had hibernated. With nothing left to motivate me to doze off, I just sat there when I felt the petrichor, this time it felt real, stronger. I looked out of the open window in my room, and saw some raindrops falling against the dark windows of the neighboring building.
I only smiled to express my delight. It is when a strong whiff of petrichor hit me again that I suddenly got up from my chair, walked out of my room and in the terrace. I spread my palms out to feel the water drops and welcome the rain.
Finally it rained!

Nothing else matters

Tonight while lying on my bed I was listening to a miscellaneous playlist when my laptop suddenly started playing Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. It triggered memories of those bygone college days'. In the 1st year, sitting in the computer lab, with top quality tension on the last night of assignment submission was the first thing I remembered. Next thing I remembered was looking at my friends chatting in hostel corridors, coffee shop or strolling the college roads late at night. Late night movies, late night gaming, going out to drink etc. were things very integral to college life that I couldn't get myself to do!
In those days I was just too afraid to leave my books and have fun. Earlier this song used to put me off. How can nothing else matter? Of course it matters! I used to think.
Now when the singer in this song kept repeating, 'Nothing Else Matters', I finally understand what he meant. Nothing else matters, my friends, nothing else except the kind of life you want to live.
Life is too short to be afraid, hesitate, hate or contemplate for too long. There isn't enough time. Take that dive, while you still can, while you're still alive.

It was in 3rd year I stopped caring. I gave up my struggle and viola! My life changed. I suddenly fit in. I made more friends, got better grades, played late night computer LAN games (counter strike, age of empires, tekken etc.) and participated in late night chat sessions.

One of my closest friends and my roommate in college days used to sing this song, Nothing Else Matters with a lot of passion in 2nd year. Those days I didn't care much for music, or for that matter anything! Now while I listen to this song, in my mind I can see him sing this song. He'll soon be going to US to pursue his masters in music. I will definitely miss him and our music sessions. Earlier I got irritated when he sang but now I appreciate it. He is pursuing his dream of becoming his musician. He always knew, and now I also know, Nothing else matters.

All the competition I felt with others, all the differences I think I had with others, all the fear I had of others, all that feels so silly now. I now understand two important things about life: first, you don't have to fit in or be the best all the time. Just be sure of the life you want to live. Destiny plays an important role in one's life. However, you can mold your destiny to change the course of your life and reach your destination. Nothing is stronger than one's will power. Second, never miss an opportunity to make a friend. Nothing else matters.