Toastmasters in Bollywood

Member 1: "Aaj mere paas speech draft hai, speech slot hai... tumhare paas kya hai?"
Member 2: "Mere paas, mere paas... Mentor hai...."

"Babu Mushoy, Toastmasters meeting bad honi chaahiye, lambi nahi" - TM Anand.

"Aaj tak tum bolte aaye aur main sunta aaya ... aaj main bolonga aur tum sunoge" - The Ice Breaker speaker.

"Table topics se darr nahi lagta sahab, evaluations se lagta hai." - Dabangg.

"Chief Judge, Contest Chair, main tera khoon pee jaoonga,"says a speech contestant who just lost the contest.

"Rishte mein to hum tumhare mentor lagte hain, naam hai Shahenshah." - Shahenshah Toastmaster.

"Mogambo khush hua," - Club President, after scoring the 10 DTP points.

"Khaamosh!" - The Shotgun SAA !!

"Ye speech mujhe de de Thakur!"

"Contest kab hai, kab hai contest?!" - TM Gabbar Singh!

Don ki speech ko evaluate karna mushkil hi nahi, naamumkin hai kyunki Don ki speech ko 12 mulko ke Toastmasters mentor karte hain.

"Chedi Singh, hum tumhe itni speeches sunaayenge ki confuse ho jaaoge applaud kispe kare aur evaluate kise kare !!" - Dabangg Toastmaster.

"Jo main speech mein likhta hoon wo main bolta hoon, jo main nahi likhta, wo main definitely bolta hoon!!" - Rowdy Toastmaster.

"Ek baar jo maine speech de di, uske baad toh main apne evaluator ki bhi nahi sunta!" - Wanted Toastmaster.

"Taarekh pe taarekh, taarekh pe taarekh milti rahi hai, lekin speech slot nahi mila. Milti hai toh sirf taarekh" - Angry Toastmaster.

"Main aaj bhi doosro ki likhi speeches nahi sunaata." - The Big B Toastmaster.

"Bade bade divisions mein aise chote chote contests hote rehte hain." - Raj, the Toastmaster.

"Toastmasters ka ek usool hai, madam: no Ahs, no Uhms, ... no long pause, no short pause, no filler words, no repetition" - Prem, the Ah Counter in Maine Speech Diya.

Toastmasters in Hollywood

GodToastmasters (Godfather) quotes:
"I will give them a speech they can't evaluate." - Vito Corleone.
"A Toastmaster who doesn't spend time doing club roles (like Grammarian, Ah Counter, Timer, Vote Counter etc.) is not a real Toastmaster." -  Vito Corleone.
"Never hate other contestants. It affects your speech delivery." - Michael Corleone.
"Keep your friends close, but your Toastmasters friends closer." - Michael Corleone.

"Show me the speech." - TM Jerry Maguire. (Jerry Maguire)

"You can't handle the evaluation." - A few good Toastmasters. (A few good men)

"Practice, get feedback." - Toastmasters Kid. (Karate Kid)

"I give the same project over and over again in every toastmasters meeting I attend !!" - Toastmasters Day. (Groundhog Day)
 
Stage fear makes you a prisoner, Toastmasters sets you free. - Toastmasters Redemption. (Shawshank Redemption).

"I could have given more speeches... " - Toastmaster's list. (Schindler's list)

"Don't let someone tell you that you can't deliver a good speech. Not even me. You got a speech, you gotta practice it. When people can't do something themselves, they're gonna tell you that you can't do it. You want to give a speech, go deliver it. Period." - The Pursuit of standing ovation. (The Pursuit of Happyness)

"My momma always says, 'Table topics session is like a box of topics. You never know what you're gonna get.'" - TM Forrest Gump.

"Master, Toastmaster." - TM James Bond.

"Carpe Diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your speeches extraordinary." - TM John Keating, Dead Toastmasters' Society. (Dead Poets' Society)

"My precious (speech)." - TM Gollum, Lord of the Speeches. (Lord of the rings)

"Elementary, my dear Toastmaster." - TM Sherlock Holmes.

First rule of Toastmasters club, you talk about your club's upcoming meetings in other clubs. Second rule of Toastmasters club, you talk about your club's upcoming meetings to your friends. Third rule of Toastmasters club is that once the timer shows red flag, wrap up the speech as soon as possible. Fourth rule: only one speaker at a time. Fifth rule: no ahs, no uhms, no filler words, no short/long pauses. Sixth rule: Plan your speech according to the time allotted to that category of speech (prepared speeches, table topics, evaluations). Seventh and final rule: If this is your first time at a Toastmasters club, you have to speak. (inspired from Fight Club).

Toastmasters Matrix.

Trinity: I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
Neo: What is Toastmasters?
Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.

[Neo receives a cell phone in an overnight-mail envelope. As soon as he's holding it, it rings]
Neo: Hello?
Morpheus: Hello, Neo. Do you know who this is?
Neo: Morpheus?
Morpheus: Yes. I've been looking for you, Neo. I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately, you and I have run out of time. The contest season is near. And this year I am the president of my club.

Morpheus: What if I told you that Toastmasters club is not a Spoken English course, nor is it toast making class.

Morpheus: Unfortunately, no one can clearly explain what a Toastmasters meeting is like. You have to attend it for yourself.

Morpheus: This was your first Toastmasters meeting. After this, there is no turning back. If you don't take the membership, the story ends, you wake up late the next weekend and do whatever you feel like with your life. But if you take the membership, if you stay in Toastmasters, then I'll show you how far and wide the communication and leadership track goes.
(Neo chooses to take the membership).
Morpheus: Remember, all I'm offering is mentorship. Nothing more.

Morpheus: Throughout human history, we have been dependent on our ability to speak, to surive. Stage fright, it seems, is nothing short of irony.

Morpheus: After snacks break we'll have Table Topics section in which you'll participate.
Neo: No way. No way. This is crazy.
Morpheus: There are two ways to attend a Toastmasters meeting. Either sit in the audience, or go over there and speak in front of the audience. I leave it to you.

Morpheus (to Neo): Free your mind.
(He lifts Neo's arm and the Table Topics master calls Neo for the table topics speech).

Morpheus: I'm trying to proof-read your speech. But I can only give you a good draft and correct your delivery techniques. You are the one who has to deliver the speech.

Morpheus: Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between writing the speech and delivering the speech.

Spoon boy: Do not try and compete with others in a contest. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no contest.
Neo: There is no contest?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not against others that you're trying to compete, but against yourself.

Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge evaluations?

Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

Tank: So what do you think you need to win this speech contest? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Feedback. Lots of genuine feedback.

Agent Smith: Tell me, Mr. Anderson, how good is a well written speech if you're unable to speak?

Agent Smith: I'm going to enjoy watching you forget your speech, Mr. Anderson.

Agent Smith: You forgot your speech.
Neo: So did you !!

Trinity: Neo, I'm not afraid anymore. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that man... the man that I loved would be The One. So you see, you can't losethe contest. You can't... because I love you. You hear me? I love you.
[Trinity kisses Neo; Neo stops shaking and feels confident]
Trinity: Now go deliver your speech!

Neo: I know you're out there. I can see you now. I know that you're afraid, you're afraid of the audience. You're afraid of being booed off the stage. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how its going to begin, by taking a membership with our Toastmasters club. I'm going to show everyone a world without stage fear, and ahs and uhms. A world where anyone can give a good speech. Where we go from here is a choice I leave to you.

(Speak Up, by Rage against the Stage Fear plays in the background).

For the love of good food !!

I've always enjoyed a good meal with friends, family, even strangers who become friends over a good meal. And everything so delightful deserves to be celebrated with a song.

I heard this song today, called Good Meal, and I realized that this is how I have always felt while eating something tasty, delicious, this is my good meal song. Like my tasty food, this song also makes me feel like dancing, singing and eating tasty food !!

So, how do you feel when you have a good meal?!

Dandruff Attack !!

There has been a civil war going on my scalp for almost a week now... the black natives (hair strands) were fighting to stay rooted to their native place (my scalp) against the sudden attack of white terrorists (dandruff flakes) (no racism implied/intended), thus causing unrest and disturbance in the rest of the region as well, including the higher body & mind (me).
Finally an aerial attack of bomb shelling (lemon drops) brought back peace, at the cost of many more fallen black natives... that was followed by egg supply to provide relief to the family members (remaining hair strands) of the fallen black natives so that they don't decide to leave their native place (my scalp)!!
Representatives of the higher body & mind, my hands, made sure the lemon drops and egg supply reached the required areas... the higher body & mind condemns such violent attacks in its capital area (my scalp) and assure the remaining hair strands that a separate committee will be set-up (a phone-call from home) to make sure regular hair-wash is being conducted to prevent such attacks in the future !!

Miracle Workers

Being married to the same person for 27 years is a miracle in itself !! And that makes my parents prophets of God !! So much for 'parents being form of God' in our Indian culture. Now I understand what that means!
I mean, how can someone share such closeness with the same person for so many years... more than boredom, I'm worried about contempt!
I've lived with myself for 26 years and what tops my list is the contempt I have for myself! I mean yeah I do respect myself and admire myself sometimes but most of the times, its comtempt. So whenever I mess up, I'm like, "you crazy ass, what have you done! Again !!"

If I had an option to leave myself and go away, far away, never to be discovered by myself, I would do that right this second. But I can't, its not an option.
Marriages are also supposed to be like that, technically, by definition. However, despite being married, the two are still separate individual with their own identity. People do separate or divorce, many people are doing these days. But those who stick to each other no matter what, despite having an option, a choice to walk away when things start to turn ugly. Those who fight the storm because they know that the calmness of the shores would be worth it, once they survive. They are the miracle workers !!
Prophets of God is what they really are. Prophets are said to be able to walk on water. Marriage is tougher than walking on water! I mean you could walk on water when its frozen, can't you?! You could be smart and find a way out. For a successful marriage, your smartness ain't working for very long! No tricks helping you here. You have to be honest. You have to open up in every way to your partner and hope that they do the same. And doing that is an act of bravery.
There's pain but there's also pleasure. There are constraints but there's also new kinds of freedom. Its like doors to a whole new world opens up to you and as the age goes by you realize that this world isn't that new. Its just that you're looking at it from different perspective, because you're playing a different role now. Now you're not a kid but a parent, not a bachelor but a spouse.

Since I am so terrified of change, my father often tells me, "Things will change around you, even though you may want it to stay the same. Now it is your choice, either stay where you are and feel that pain of witnessing every change around you, or become a part of the change so that it doesn't seem like a change anymore."
(He implies that because most of my friends are already married so I should get married too. Yes father, I got the message!)

My father and my mother are truly miracle workers. And I'm not even counting the countless number of things they've done for me, apart from all the love, affection, care, protection, guidance, support etc. Being together in happiness and sorrow, today and tomorrow itself is a miracle. And I pray and I wish that everyone's life becomes an example of such miracle!

The kid who sold guavas

Previous Episode

There's this cobbler who sits at the end of the street at White Fields, besides Fresh supermarket.

I left the office early to get my shoe stitched as the bottom layer of the shoe was coming off. The bottom layer of my shoe had given me some trouble earlier as well and I had used fevi-stick to temporarily keep it in place. But now I had run out of fevi-stick and patience.
He smiled at me when he saw me walk in his direction. He was working on another pair of shoe, rubbing the sole of that shoe and then applying his glue to keep it in place. He left it to dry for sometime. I took out the shoe of my left foot and showed him the problem, and asked him to stitch it up as stitching even lasts during rainy days but he said it can't be stitched, only glued. Owing to his past good work that he had done for my other shoe, I asked him to glue it up.
While he worked, I looked around. It was unusual for me to wake up and be out of my apartment by 9:30 am. It felt good, starting the day early. I saw a boy, 10 years old I guess, who was standing with his wheel-cart of guavas and asking the passers by if they'd like a guava rubbed with red salt. While I stared at him cutting the guava from one side while retaining the cut pieces together on the other side, and offering it to a man who was carrying his daughter in his lap and asking her if she'd like to have some. She nodded her head in disagreement. He paid and left, and the kid looked in the direction of the cobbler, and saw me staring at him. I looked away.
The cobbler tried to say something to him but i couldn't understand his signs, but the boy did. But another prospective customer had come and bought a couple of guavas. While I saw him deal with that customer, I heard the cobbler call me. I turned and looked down at him looking up at me, smiling and holding my shoe to me. I took it, tried to find any gaps between the bottom layer of the shoe and rest of the shoe but it was sealed tight.
How much, I asked.
20, he said.
I was glad he asked more than he had asked last time and happily paid him.
While walking away I avoided looking at the kid selling guava, afraid he might ask me to try one piece. I was right, he did, and I said no and walked away. Only to turn back after taking few steps because my stomach was growling with hunger.
i didn't ask him how much, I nodded in agreement when he asked me if he should slide one guava for me. I stood there and enjoyed each piece of guava rubbed with red salt. It felt good and once again I felt grateful for food in my life.
Once I was done, I asked him, how much. I think he said Rs. 10 and I sifted through the contents of my wallet, including lots of ATM receipts that I think I'll use to note down any brilliant idea that I migth get while sitting in an auto or walking on the road. I gave out Rs. 10 to him but stood there for few seconds more. I took off my bag from my shoulders and held it in my hand, still uncertain whether I should do it, or not.
What the hell, I thought, it doesn't matter if I am few pieces short! Anyways its first come first served.
So I unzipped my bag, put my hand deep inside it, felt for those silver foiled chocolates especially made by my sister for me to eat and share, and took out two of them and held them out for the boy.
The boy looked at me and smiled. Nodded in refusal but continued to smile. I held it close to him. He looked at the cobbler who nodded in agreement. He took them, opened one of them and relished them. He was smiling broadly now. Gave me a chance to smile too. I zipped up my bag and started to walk away when he called me out and offered me another guava. I refused and walked away.
That moment I felt like superman, walking away after saving someone. Of course what I did wasn't very grand but I was proud that I could bring smile on someone's face despite myself being very shy and timid person, and someone who doesn't share things easily.
Now that my mood was uplifted, I wasn't upset anymore about going back to work after a long vacation at home!
On my way I wondered, what if I had taken another guava and given him some more chocolates in return...