Friday, February 04, 2011

Price Tag on marriage

Times have changed and are changing, but sadly some things haven't changed. Why do people still believe in taking (which is understood!) and giving (WTH!!) dowry? Educated people living in a mansion also demand dowry... don't they have enough money? And those who give dowry believe that if they don't, then their daughter might have a difficult time in that household. If the groom's family doesn't accept her or if she has a difficult time in that family then maybe that marriage wasn't the right thing to do in the first place. Can money really make/mend relationships? I thought love did that !! Times indeed are changing.

Tell me one thing though, doesn't a woman contribute equally, if not more, to the economy of the household? A wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, takes care of the house, she is a homemaker. Imagine your life without her, without them... all I'm saying is that dowry as a custom has lost its significance, its not out of love for your daughter but out of fear. Its like a rotten limb, its painful yet you refuse to cut it off just because its always been a part of your body.

This is for all the highly qualified well educated guys... if your parents don't understand, you should. With big degrees and years of work experience, do you still need to ask (or impose) the bride's family for dowry? Isn't your fat salary enough? Have you lost your self respect along with your innocence over the years? How can a marriage, or any relationship, be stable if it is based on financial transaction (in cash or kind)?

Marriage has become a business transaction. The amount of dowry that a groom or his family deserves depends on two things: status of the family and education qualification of the groom. But if the family belongs to high class society or the groom is a highly qualified professional, is dowry really necessary? If the rich and the educated still follow such customs then where's the hope for everyone else?

I am a firm believer of the fact that wherever more than necessary money is involved, evil creeps in. There are too many troubles in this world, why carry another one on our shoulders. Let us be free of the outdated obligations that society supposedly puts on us, because your happiness and your daughter's happiness is more important than what others think, and money can't buy happiness.


Anonymous said...

Some one close to you is going to get married ... ?

I hope it's not your friend from the mirror :P

Anonymous said...

well spoken

Abhishek said...

Nobody I know is getting married in recent future. This was the result of today's lunch time discussion @ Yuktahaar !! :)

Bhanukiran V said...

Good going Abhishek. Nice take on the dowry issue. But I seriously believe that educated women today are vehemently opposing the dowry issue when it comes to them. Let us hope such social evils are eliminated from all forms of rural and urban living in India :)

PS Looking at you I feel I must also start blogging again :)

Abhishek said...

Thank you Bhanukiran. :) Yes, lets hope we get rid of such customs and make our lives easier. :)
And yeah, do resume blogging !! :)
@Anonymous: Thank you, would have appreciated if you'd given your name as well. :)

Amit said...

I like the second paragraph..

padmini said...

Nice post Abhishek :)

The groom and his family should think abt this seriously.... whether they want the girl or the money she gets with her.
Now-a-days, the PRESTIGE factor has grown in the society. People do crave for certain things just for SHOWING OFF to others. This attitude has to change among the elderly.
Marriage should be a true relationship but not a financial one.
I appreciate u for putting up this post. Good job !!!

Atul Dwivedi said...

I'm not gonna take any money during my marriage so it's nt applied on me ! .. btw cheers for ur post .. nice thought .. n strongly believe on ur points !

Manish Sharma said...

"Tell me one thing though, doesn't a woman contribute equally, if not more, to the economy of the household? A wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, takes care of the house, she is a homemaker. Imagine your life without her, without them... " - I liked these lines. Hopefully I wont take dowry after reading them.

Dhingra said...

completely agree wid u...

Abhishek said...

@Amit: :) :)
@Padmini: Thank you. :) :) I'm glad you liked the post.
@Atul: I know you won't !! :)
@Manish: I'm happy to hear that. :)
@Dhingra: Thank you. :)

Anupama said...

Well written I must say!:-)

Anonymous said...


Nice name!
Very well written, As much as we think, the boy or boys family asks for dowry,the main problem is with the girl, she must truly stand up not to give dowry.
Yes, you are right, it is the educated and very rich who give dowries, like it is the exchange of giving a kingdom or something.
In my own case, I told my father to walk out of any talks that adults have regarding dowry and luckily my husband also had same views, even though his family did not.
we did not even exchange rings, we are married for 19years now.
equal contribution, plenty of love,
lot of compromise, and definitely some sacrifices on both sides, makes it a very enjoyable and interesting marriage.
so, I trust you will find someone like that.

Mohammed Babji said...

Though its not a demand from Bride side, but as a Tradition, as a Groom i need to pay considerable amount to the bride party,the time i get marry ! (and have to raise no demands !)

Times have changed we still need to pay the the price for the act :)

Himanshu Sharma said...

Dowry was not a social evil; as you know , in the past, women were not taking up jobs that directly contributed to the money income of the groom's household. Thus increasing the heads to feed. This led to dowry, as a way to initially support the groom's household economy and preventing the meltdown.

Dowry is now a social evil (for the well supported so-called rich families) because people don't actually realize it's importance, history and contribution. But if you see the not-so-well , downtrodden sect of the society, the above reason still applies. Though the times are changing and there are alot of nuclear families, still many of them initially need some financial support to cover an extra head in the family and it's needs.

It's easy to say that dowry should be banned, but I personally know many cases in which the groom's family suffered from financial meltdowns. The reasons may include : bigger place to live , more food inflow , other basic amenitie's needs and alot of other things that require money .

Love is definitely a big thing , but it's not everything in a marriage.

Ghost Runner said...

lookin at the post ... eloquently said aptly described , but stating the obvious which I guess a real scumbag would not be aware of in India :)

but well ! You can not just change it (unless someone does a Mao Zedong and does a cultural military assisted re structuring of the nation) :p Read this as running over anyone involved in dowry/ primitive marriage practices with a battle tank (80 PERCENT OF THE NATION WOULD BE WIPED OUT :p )

Now taking it to a higher level of cynicism albiet closest to present reality , face it :! You cannot change it because its not about tradition ...its called greed (for prestige and for money) Its not going to change and thats it ! Nobody is going to think on the basis of absolute morals or good when there is money, status and prestige at stake. You need something like the second coming of Christ to change shit like this :)

Ghost Runner

Anonymous said...

Well written post. Everyone knows about it but its just continued. I think the decision has to be taken at the personal level and has to be argued with elders.

The dowry concept is getting eradicated now. Girls are wise enough to take a decision these days.

Anonymous said...

Amazed at the number of comments.
You might want to add that example of the place in Madhya Pradesh where the entire community took the oath of simple arrangements marriage.

HONSHU said... :P

Anonymous said...

The dowry system is moving from giving to the groom's family to showing off in the society.. these days people generally spend more than 60% of the total expenses on showing-off with no gains (cash/kind) to either of the families. I believe it is not justified since the money could be put to better use but in a materialistic society like ours showing-off has its significance ..