Appreciation

Remember the moment from Munnabhai MBBS when Munna (Sanjay Dutt) gives a jaadu ki jhappi to the janitor of the hospital to thank him for all the sincere work he did everyday?

These days I'm reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. The second chapter talks about appreciating people for their good work and efforts. A few days ago, while reading that part of the chapter, I heard the cleaners cleaning the floor of my corridor. I opened the door and looked out. A cleaner went by and asked, "Kaisa hai? (how is it?)" indicating the floor.

I responded, "Accha hai, accha hai. (Its good, its good)"
I realized that instead of him asking for appreciation, I should have given him and others the appreciation they deserve.

We meet people in the following profession on a regular basis: Barber, tailor, cobbler, sweeper, garbageman, milkman etc. We pay them, they give us service and that is where it all ends. Imagine walking up and down a market place and not being able to locate a barber, a tailor, or a cobbler when you need them the most!

What I believe is that because people in such professions don't earn much, we tend to overlook their contribution to our society, to us. We forget how important they are. Let me be honest here, same treatment is given to a compounder against a doctor, a salesman against an MBA graduate, a mechanic against an engineer, a teacher against a professor. Every person is important, so is their work.

Before joining college, I had the pleasure of service from an Army jawaan (soldier) assigned to my father to run errands and do odd jobs. I have always been thankful for their help (we have a better name for them, helper), but never appreciated them which means myself being grateful has no significance if I can't convey it!

We must, therefore, appreciate our colleagues for the hard work and time, appreciate our parents for all they've done for us, appreciate a performer who, even for a moment, entertained us, appreciate ourselves for doing something new, something different and/or something useful, and finally appreciate God/Nature for the goodness that lies within us.

P.S. 1 - Presence of people doing odd jobs, "small" work etc. in our lives are like vitamins and minerals for the human body.

P.S. 2 - Try cleaning, stitching, hair-cutting, running errands and such tasks. Its fun!

P.S. 3 - Like Teacher's day, father's day, mother's day, children's day, valentine's day... one should have a day to appreciate the contribution of those whose presence may not be felt but absence certainly hurts!

National Anthem

Isn't it a little upsetting or annoying to stand in attention before every movie in a multiplex for the National Anthem? Well, you may not but then you certainly don't want scorns from others in the hall. It does upset me till before the National Anthem tune is played, but while it plays, I feel like a school kid again, standing with pride, singing the anthem. What changed? Nothing. Because National Anthem would work, even after everything else fails.
During my younger days, while standing in the morning assembly I used to look around sometimes and see every person standing still in attention and singing the National Anthem. It amused me, and amazed me at the same time.
I doubt if anyone really understands the National Anthem. But well, who cares? It works, and if something works, we Indians generally don't bother finding the reason! :D
'Saare Jahaan Se Accha', by Mohammad Iqbal, may not be our National Anthem, but it does bring the same feeling of oneness that warms our hearts.

P.S. - Jana Gana Mana is much more suited as our National Anthem, I feel but can't really decide why... is it because of the content, or the structure, or the "Jaya he jaya he jaya he,
Jaya jaya jaya jaya he!" thing in the end... your ideas are welcome. :) (I feel lazy so didn't read about the possible reason, which I'm sure many have thought about).

Identity

Personally I think an identity is a conflict of two personas, one being the current persona and other being the persona one wants to become. If the two persona be the same, then no conflict arises.

Is it the way one looks, or speaks, is it one's demeanor or one's actions?
Is it all of the characteristics taken together or only few which are more prominent?
Is it the uniqueness of those characteristics or the similarity with some other known person?
I don't know, but maybe that's how it is supposed to be.

"It is not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you", Rachel says to Bruce in Batman Begins. Of course later she realizes that there's more to identity than just actions!

I met a friend after about 8 and a half years and I realized that although she had changed in some aspects, some things about her didn't change, those things which I think defines her.

In Agantuk (The Stranger), a film by Satyajit Ray, the husband is skeptical about the uncle of his wife whom they have never met. Later the uncle himself confronts the husband, who seems to be convinced by looking at the passport about the identity of the uncle. Uncle argues that a passport could be fake as well, so is there a foolproof way of testing/judging a person's identity?

In the Christopher Nolan's directed Batman movies, I found Bruce contradicting himself.
In Batman Begins, Bruce talks about using a symbol as an identity for justice, to correct the situation in Gotham because a person could be bought or destroyed but a symbol couldn't be.
In The Dark Knight, Bruce feels that a person like DA Harvey Dent, a real person would give people hope and make them feel secure, rather than a masked vigilante and his symbol.The only reason that resolves this conflict could be that Joker, who was Batman's rival in The Dark Knight was again, not a person but a symbol, a symbol of joker, which stood for chaos and randomness.

P.S. - Geminis are said to have dual personas, as in they tend to contradict themselves often.

Quarter life crisis

Himanshu told me a lot about our lives in 10th class, especially my weird behavior. I thought I was the only one who remembered my childhood, but clearly he could recall it much more vividly.
During the course of conversation I realized that the reason I acted strange is because my brain can not think straight when I'm uncomfortable, and I was (am still) uncomfortable among people (also called social anxiety).
My strange/weird behavior is surely my response to my discomfort. As a kid, I can now recall holding my schoolbag or water-bottle close to me. I used to keep to myself during lunch breaks unless and until someone came to me and talked to me. I guess many would find that rude, which I realized in time, but all I could do is look at others chat, or play, but couldn't move my legs to walk upto them. I gave up after a few attempts and it became my habit. And till date, walking upto a person (who is not a friend) and starting a conversation is one of my biggest achievements for the day.
Strangely true, it never bothered me when people called me names, because I saw it as an opportunity to interact with them in some way. In college, it bothered me because I never saw myself as a 'scientist', but rather as a slacker and a lazy person. Today I realize that 'scientist' also holds true in my case for some good reason and the people who believe in calling me so have their reasons triggered by some of my strange behavior in response to my discomfort among people.
The interesting part is, I myself don't know when I would feel uncomfortable. I have felt comfortable talking to strangers sometimes, and utterly uncomfortable among a large group of all my friends!
There has always been an image in my mind, an image of a future me, but I have never been able to meet him in mirror. Some pieces of the image are still missing, the vital ones. If I were a teenager I'd have felt that things would be better when I grow up, but they never got better because I gave up after a few shots.
This is the quarter-life crisis I face. The mundane problems like unemployment or low paying job, no girlfriend etc. have lost their significance in my life. All my attempts are now towards completing that image, which would complete me as a person I would like to live.

Episode 8: Exposed !!

Previous Episode

Hey, I never got your roll no. in student's list of UG1, found some other UG3 guy named Parth in the list! BTW, what is your roll no.?

Natasha scribbles me a note in the library the next night. This isn't good. Loopholes in my plan are showing. I scribble back.

Of course not. I joined in final counseling round, so my name and roll no. might not have been updated in student's list. Isn't name enough?

The Salsa workshop organizers asked for roll no. and name.

I smile. This is good. :)

After a few minutes, as if taking time to organize her thoughts, she scribbles.

I saw you teaching your batchmates C programming. Why would you teach them?

Okay now, looks like I'm exposed! :(

This may seem strange, but the professor asked me to teach the class what he was teaching. He was sitting in the last row, maybe you didn't get to see him there. It was a punishment!

Evening class?

Yup! Professors are strange people, isn't it? :)

Phew! She seems convinced because she smiles and nods in agreement.

A few days later after the morning lecture, as I walk out of the lecture hall, Anubhav pats me on my back and thumbs up me with a smile as he walks by!

Few girls of my batch look at me from a distance as if I had committed a crime.

I have no idea what is going on.

When I enter the mess during lunchtime, I see whispers starting in some groups while some others just look at me as I take food and sit in a corner. I don't bother because I am getting late for the afternoon lecture.

Arun comes to me and whispers, "She knows, everybody knows."
I look around and see people looking at me and smiling. This is definitely NOT good.

I walk into the library that night, excited as always, to meet Natasha. I reach our place and see Natasha reading a book holding it close to herself. I wave my hand in the air but get no response. I dance my fingers in front of her eyes, no response. :(

I sit and start reading Alice in Wonderland from where I had left it last time. I scribble a note and keep it beside her. The note stays there, reminds me of our first conversation. Feeling disappointed, I continue my reading.

I see her leaving after an hour. I reach out and hold her arm. She glares at me and I slowly release it. She goes back, scribbles something on the note I had kept for her.

"Our conversation is over, forever."

Apparently girls hate when guys whom they like, lie to them. I didn't know she liked me, learnt it later from her friend I met at the IMAX.

"She must really like you. In high school I've seen her slap guys for making a move at her or doing something stupid or nasty to her."

I sat across D at the coffee shop. I had to know the truth after my truth was leaked by Dilip in one of his casual conversations! :(

"I guess I've lost her. I had a plan, it failed."

"You had a what?!"

"Nothing stupid or nasty!" I smiled in disappointment.

I call her several times. Yes, she had given me her mobile no. during one of our conversations while returning to college from IMAX. Now she isn't picking up my call. I spend a fortune SMSing her, my fingers hurt as well. She doesn't come online on gtalk, or maybe she blocked me in gtalk. :(

The next two days I have the worst time of my life. I again start sleeping in lectures because missing her keeps me awake for most of the night. I write poems and play sad songs (Tanhayee, from Dil Chahta Hai).

After a couple of days, during lunch, I rush to computer lab where I work on my projects. As I walk out of my hostel gate and walk a little ahead, I see Natasha walking towards my hostel. It is drizzling and she is carrying an umbrella. I slow down and feel uncertain when our eyes meet. I look away and walk towards her.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Please let me explain. I know I shouldn't have lied to you. But I couldn't help myself. I had to talk to you, because I'm crazy about you. The first time I saw you ..."

She looks at me with a blank stare all this while. Suddenly she moves forward, wraps her arms around my neck. She gently pulls me towards her, her lips touch mine and she kisses me, stopping my confession speech midway. I feel her touch through my wet t-shirt. I wrap her in my arms, and kiss her, trying to do what I had seen hero and heroine do in movies. All this while everyone walking to their class or lab slow down and look at us.

I kiss someone for the first time in my life! :) :D YIPPEE !!

Not to be continued... :)

Episode 7: The IMAX experience

Previous Episode

Yawning heavily sitting on my bed after a long day, I write my diary entry.
While recalling our time in the IMAX, I remember meeting her batchmates and rest of the experience.

I went numb, I couldn't move my legs. She went to meet her batchmates, and beckoned me to follow. I smiled weakly and followed. She started introducing me to them, assuming that I didn't know them! I looked around and saw Arun and Dilip looking at us. I looked away, pretending not to notice them.

Suddenly, a girl from my section (supposedly) walked towards us, and Natasha introduced me to her.

"You must be knowing her, Parth, she's in your section."

"Yeah, I've seen her in the class," I said, trying to sound confident.

"But I haven't seen you around, never in the class atleast." She said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Of course you wouldn't have! You sit in the front benches, I sit at the back ones!" I smiled.

That was a complete fluke, but I guess it worked because she behaved friendly after that. :) The seating arrangement is classrooms in our college is according to roll no.s and that girl's name starts with a 'D', and my name starts with 'P', so obviously she would be sitting in one of the front benches. But rotation between rows also takes place, she never thought of that. :)

The guys from their batch whispered something among themselves. One of them called me.

"Hey dude." One of them said and did the introductions.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Some other guy asked, pointing at Natasha. (bah, why would I remember their names!)

"No, nothing like that. I met her a couple of weeks ago in the library, we talked. We're friends." I said, almost sighing.

Booking tickets early helped. My batchmates and her batchmates were sitting in few benches in front of us, so I could keep an eye on them. I also knew that after dropping my plan for watching Avatar with them, I couldn't tell Arun and Dilip that they must have seen a lookalike of mine at IMAX and that I was at my room, watching some TV show! Because they won't believe me.

This must have been the first time I didn't pay attention to a movie I was watching. I looked at her (through those polarizer glasses!) once in a while with the excuse of picking up pop-corn. I observed her reaction and it amazed me how intently she watches a movie.

I beckoned her to leave as soon as the credits showed. She must have thought I had a plan, so she eagerly followed. She saw the climbing wall, with colorful holders and challenged me to it.

"But you're a girl, I don't like competing with girls in such activities." But this excuse didn't work. :(

She shrieked with laughter when I shouted in fear after my leg slipped while climbing the wall, and was suspended in air by a rope. Apparently she had won! Her friend D said to me that I had been a gentlemen to let her win and I said to myself, 'But my hand slipped!' :D

Her friends left but she stayed back with me for some more time at IMAX.

"You love arcade games, don't you?"

"Yup, and this is how its done." She said and gave my player a fatal blow in style.

"Touche!" I said. Her skills were quite impressive.

Ice-hockey, now this was where I expected to win. No, I wasn't being a gentleman! I grab an opportunity when I can, to win. But I guess my clumsy moves suggested otherwise.

"What are you waiting for, give everything you have!!" She was quite aggressive while playing.

"Hey, where are you going?" She asked as I silently started drifting away from her towards my lab when we reached college.

"Have a meeting with prof." I pointed at e-sagu lab, not sure what she would think of it. Couldn't tell her I am a Research Assistant there.

With the guilt of leaving her alone to walk till girl's hostel, I turned and started walking towards the lab.

"Hey Parth!" She said. I turned.

"Today was great!"

"Same here." I said and smiled.

I shut the diary close. I want to tell her the truth, and walk with her in public, and say to every pair of staring eyes, "O yeah, she's my girlfriend and I love her a lot." God almost always listens to my prayers! :) :(

"Guys, try and understand my situation. Please, please don't tell her or anyone else about me and my plans for Natasha. And Dilip, don't make it your subject for gossip! Try to keep a secret sometime!"

Apparently, Arun and Dilip feel betrayed that I didn't tell them about Natasha, and I try hard to control the situation. But eventually the flood gates were opened! :(

To be Continued...

Episode 6: Exam days

Previous Episode

The following Saturday, I walk into the library after dinner, in excitement of meeting Natasha. As I step into the library, I see all the tables in the library occupied. I leave the library, realizing that the UG1 students must be studying for their exams on Monday. I didn't want to blow up my cover, not just yet, not the wrong way. Besides, I had few courses to take care of myself!

I don't visit the library for next four nights. On Wednesday morning, as I walk out of the exam hall and walk alone, away from the crowd, I sense someone trying to catch up with me. I turn and see Natasha walking towards me. She smiles at me. OMG, why do I love that smile so much!

"How was your exam?"

This must be second or third time that I had heard her voice. The paper chat thing was working so well I didn't want to spoil it by asking for her phone no.! x(

"It was just fine, attempted all the questions."

"What about the fifth question, what do you think the answer should be?"

"Actually, you know, I don't really feel like discussing the answers after the exam. Don't feel bad, though. After exam I rush towards my room, trying not to allow anything related to the exam reach my ears."

Natasha grins broadly.

I sense some people looking at us. I take my mobile out and look at it.

"Hey got few miss calls, was on silent mode. Will catch up with you later."

"Sure thing!"

There were no miss calls, of course! Atleast now she knows I have a mobile. :)

That night when I visit the library, I see someone else sitting on the seat across Natasha, the seat that had apparently become my favorite seat. As I sit on the adjacent seat, I see her scribbling something on a paper and stretching it out to me. I beckon the person sitting adjacent to me to pass it to me. He obliges but his demeanor suggests he is a PhD student or M-tech student as he simply passes the paper from her to me, eager to get back to his book.

You are late today. So, Mr. Scared-of-exam-discussion, do you really spend your time in library the day exams end?!

Funny, it never occurs to me why she should be in the library. I visit the library because I meet Natasha at the same place, at the same time every night. And our rate of studying has reduced and rate of chatting has increased since last week! Did she also come to library because she expected to find me here?

But my thoughts were interrupted by her waving at me and making a question mark in the air with her hand. I scribble back.

This book, "Alice in Wonderland", I heard its really good. Will give it a try now.

Isn't it children's book?

I am still not an adult! Besides, this book has been liked by both kids and adults.

About the first thing, how old are you, then?!

:)

C'mon... You know what, forget it. Keep your age a secret!

18, Oct 10.

lol... she tells me her age as well. Don't freak out, in reality I'm 21 years old! :) Oct 10 is my real birth date though.

Only a few months older, big deal!

Main thing to observe here is, you are younger than me. Come to think of it, you are shorter than me as well! :D

She grins at the thought and at my troubled expression.

Oh no, that can't be!

But that is !

And she gets up from her seat, motions me to do the same. We stand side by side without footwear, ask the M-Tech guy (probably, guessing! Could be PhD guy, don't know.) to tell who is taller. He points at her!

Only a couple of centimeters. Why is that even important?!

But Natasha is so happy and blushing that I smile finally and feel happy about the whole thing.

Then, for next 10 minutes, I time and again look up from my book and see her reading (wow, she looks so cute when she reads intently!), and a few times we both look at each other at the same time from our books and laugh. After that I scribble to her.

Do you like watching a movie?

Who doesn't? :P

Would you like to go out for a movie with me? Avatar.

:) Sci-fi? I am not very fond of sci-fi.

Its in 3D. :)

I had got the tickets the day the booking started and got us best seats (i.e., at the back) for first day's show. Yes, I had got the tickets before asking her! But, as by Murphy's Law, "when something can go wrong, it will go wrong", it goes wrong.
As soon as Natasha and I reach IMAX, I see my friends Arun and Dilip sipping coke and strolling outside. I get tensed. My nervousness reaches a level of anxiety personally never reached by me, when I see Natasha wave at what looked like a familiar group of boys and girls, the UG1 students. :(

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