Friday, January 17, 2014

The Shadow of Gap

I feel in whatever I do and however well I do it, there's a gap. In my mind I see it as a dark shadow between where I stand and where I wish to stand. This dark shadow perhaps hides the depth I will fall in case I try to bridge this gap and fail.
There is light at the side I stand and light at the other side, beyond the gap. That light is definitely brighter and the other side looks more appealing and comforting, yet this gap stands in between, like a black fog, perhaps protecting the other side so that only the worthy and the daring close this gap or get through it.

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

The Everyday Sine Wave of Emotions

Everything's good in my life and around me but in my mind I keep going through the sine wave of emotions !!

Each wave starts early in the morning and ends late at night.
Its the same everyday. The sine wave starts at zero, then rises to its positive peak value by lunch time during which I have my first cup of tea, I exercise, I have breakfast and I spent a couple of hours working at my desk. After lunch, and conversations with others about how life can be so much better, my emotional curve starts to fall and reaches zero by snacks time as I realize that life can indeed be so much better!
By dinner time my emotional curve hits rock bottom as it reaches its negative peak value. This is when I am back from office, and connected to office from home. Sometimes I feel sad that I am still connected to office while others in my apartment are done with their office work for the day. Add to it the misery I go through while surfing the internet and feeling jealous by looking at all the happy faces on Facebook, some updating their marriage pics, others their promotion or admission news.
After dinner I watch some nice TV shows or movies and my emotions start rising back from negative and towards the neutral line. Before sleeping I do some light reading and relax myself to enter the world of sweet slumber.
This is one full day for me, everyday.

Monday, January 06, 2014

The end is near

Sometimes I feel that the end is near.
The end of my job/career if I am not working properly or getting much to work on.
The end of my life when I fall badly sick and cough throughout the night.
The end of my happiness when too many good things happen and I wonder if its leading to the beginning of a new curve of sadness.

But that is one way to look at life I suppose. I could never picture the end of my bad habits, negative self talk, lack of physical fitness or abundance of social awkwardness.
It would be terrific to live life nearing the end of all that, isn't it !!