Today I started respecting life and dreading the thought of dying. I can now understand the fear people in Pune and in other cities live in. I was scared when I realized I might have swine flu.
It all started with a shiver. I felt it at 2 am I think. Maybe it was the sudden drop in temperature due to slight change of weather, but the thought that a shiver might be a symptom brought scary thoughts in my mind, getting admitted in a hospital, friend and family visiting me while I lay on the hospital (death, I felt so) bed. I even starting writing my will, i.e., to whom should I give passwords of which account on the internet. I realized I had to do a lot in life, my dreams crumbling to dust when I realized I would die soon. I met few of my friends whom I thought might be interested in the ideas I had in mind and the ones I have documented.
Another thought that crossed my mind was that I won't be allowed to eat in mess and I'd have to survive on biscuits and other packed food products... I would be kept in isolation during last days of my life...
I was so scared I didn't leave the bed to go for breakfast, lest I may shiver if I let go of the bedsheet I had wrapped around myself. Finally at 9:45 am I got up and did some exercise, felt good but weak. Lately I've been feeling sore in my throat.
The thought still lingers in my mind... do I have Swine Flu?
Time is too short and life too uncertain... the thought of a possibility of death scared me and still scares me. And with every news about deaths, be it of one person, concerns me deeply, for I have felt what it feels at the dawn of death.
I talked to my family and friends in Pune yesterday. Did the disease transmit through phone lines? Can it?
Would chatting on gtalk transmit the disease?
P.S. - Watching myself on deathbed suffering from Swine flu, I wondered which is more dreadful... being a victim of a terrorist attack or a deadly disease? I would go for the former one.